There is a wall between us now which I never wanted - erected with the materials of our destinies. I do not even seek to make it fall anymore, for its latter bricks (as opposed to former ones I acknowledged) were not placed by me. Yet, I'm grateful to know a little bit more about, and understand a little bit bettter, my favorite person in the world...and I notice even her small, but glimmering references.

Where do we draw the line? And, Who draws/drew it?

Why do I endeavor to move towards and cross that line. What if it would be far wiser and I will become far more content, to seek to cross this one instead? That is, if and when I choose to draw a line at all.
So, Who drew the line? I, or an other? It can get confusing and confused, at times. Sometimes I realized another drew that one; and, that that line which lay in front of me as a yearned for goal I thought I sought, was a chain around my neck with an endpoint that was not actually yearned for by my soul - but by something else.
When others would have me will this or that, (far too often) their wishes 'for me' (or, should it read for them?) are neither their best wishes concerned with my highest good (but rather for theirs), nor willed by a wise or good will. Would a good will desire that I will their will? A good will, I think, would not be so demanding of another’s will.
The first thing that I had better be sure of, in order not to waste this too short and precious life, is that I am going in the direction of these lines and that I am the artist.
Too often is a meaningless finish line devised not by us, but 'for us' (And, who else but us should be, and better be, most earnestly concerned with its meaning) by society, parents, others, etc. with our own best interests not even taken into account. (ie., How/Who elects to die in meaningless wars, becomes what a parent wanted them to become, or wishes most of all to be a professional athlete, lawyer...?) How could what others like or would like me to like be designed to address my deepest desires or my own best interests, rather than theirs for me? While it is far easier in a million ways, both for oneself and everyone else, to adopt the tastes of another...my taste is, in every case, the best taste, to me.

Why they bother actually running the race

When I was a child, I played various sports. As a young child, one competes with others. One competes with oneself. One tries, and tries to get better, to better oneself, and, to be better than others too. One enjoys improving and the joy of being while doing something extremely well.

At a certain point when one competes, one might seek the glory which comes from being recognized as being very good at something. At that point, perhaps the pure enjoyment of the sport can still remain. But, at the very least, something is added to the ‘pure enjoyment’ which, it might be said, makes it a bit less pure….and, something somewhat different.
I watched an Olympic race in the women’s hurdles. The heavy favorite in the race (named Lolo Jones) was leading by a great deal with only 2 hurdles to go. Although she almost never hits hurdles - the announcer added, she graced the 2nd to last one, going from 1st place to 7th in less than 20 meters. What an unhappy coincidence? for her that, of all the times to hit a hurdle, it should be at just this moment.
20 meters separated her from an Olympic gold medal… 20 years of training, down the drain. She looked absolutely devastated afterwards. How long and how often did she imagine winning this race? How important it must have been to her. Did she fantasize having attained that medal with such a big lead (with only 2 hurdles to go) before she actually had attained it? Was this prize so seductive that once it was virtually within her grasp she could not even concentrate long enough to finish the race? Did it mean too much to her? That was my thought and of course only an interpretation of what I saw.

http://www.nbcolympics.com/trackandfield/photos/galleryid=236307.html

I don't want to remember. I don't want to forget.

Her smile, her sweet arms, her lips, her petite head. Her underappreciated (if only by herself) wit. Her straight, cute-curled, blond-ed hair. Her voice which always pronounced everything imperfectly, or rather, divinely. (How can she not but win?) Her eyes, especially when they glimmer(ed)...(may they always glimmer). Her eyes. Her eyes, ad infinitum. Her eyes. Her smile. Her smiling eyes.
The problem isn't that I can't forget her. The problem is that I don't want to. I'm starting to forget (I think, I hope?), thanks to....

Recess

Silently, I pondered a gap
not least nor most from my acts
born. Certaintly, not last.

http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/26/messages/1075.html

Just to know
was to know
it just so.

To say any more
is to say too much.
"I [just] know
that I know nothing."*
I'm not going to talk a(ny)more.

*"Scio me nihil, scio nescio." Plato, The Apology.

Maria Callas -- Habanera (1962)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKnR9VIK3MA

lyrics:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Habanera_%28aria%29

When she smiles, will you assure me of her joy?

(from chapter 12) of The Zuangzi

庄子与惠子游于濠梁之上。庄子曰：“儵鱼出游从容，是鱼之乐也。”惠子曰：“子非鱼，安知鱼之乐？”庄子曰：“子非我，安知我不知鱼之乐？”惠子曰：“我非子，固不知子矣；子固非鱼也，子之不知鱼之乐，全矣！”庄子曰：“请循其本。子曰‘汝安知鱼乐’云者，既已知吾知之而问我。我知之濠上也。

Zhuangzi and Huizi were strolling along the dam of the Hao Waterfall when...Zhuangzi said, "See how the minnows come out and dart around, leisurely and contentedly, wherever they please! That's what fish really enjoy!"

Huizi said, "You're not a fish — how do you know what fish enjoy?"

Zhuangzi said, "You're not I, so how do you know I don't know what fish enjoy?"

Huizi said, "I'm not you, so I certainly don't know what you know. On the other hand, you're certainly not a fish — so that still proves you don't know what fish enjoy!"

Zhuangzi said, "Let's go back to your original question, please. You asked me how I know what fish enjoy — so you already knew I knew it when you asked the question. I know it by standing here beside the Hao waterfall."

(Zuangzi = Chuang Tzu = 莊子, name of Chinese Taoist Philosopher, 370 to 301 BCE; The Complete Works of Chuang Tzu/Zuangzi, trans. by Burton Watson, trans. altered. http://www.terebess.hu/english/chuangtzu.html)

Image: Chuang Tzu and the Butterfly

http://www.chinapage.com/story/butterfly.html

Haiku

Thoughtless waves, "Why tell
time - Pass!" No. Thoughtless, waves don't
think or say. Swoosh, swish.

'Night and Day', Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjrWAMhxGOs&feature=related

A Haiku

One stayed. One left. Both
froze in Autumn. Stay, Love. I’ll
warm Winter - for you.

Proof of the Existence of Bliss

Bliss
is found,
not alone,
in dreams.

Bliss consists
with this.
Kiss!
and
a kiss
from you.

Bliss is
born as
my arms
encounter
your charms.

While
We embrace.
Bliss persists.

Bliss is
loving you
loving me
loving you.

In this Bliss
consists and exists.

Bliss is
because you
exist.

Moved on to a Sunny Island.